sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
