worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....