I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.