I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?