I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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