the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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