and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
