Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
