Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
