i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
