i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
