Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
