I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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