Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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