so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
