I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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