I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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