I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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