True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I will pee on everything he values.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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