Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
