Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize