i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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