i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
