my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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