I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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