i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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