so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
