Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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