ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
