checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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