Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
