One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
