Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
