I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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