you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
