You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
