I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she peed on how many people?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
