im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish you could order shots online.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
