I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
