just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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