i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
