did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
