she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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