Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
