Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
