we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
