Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm passing your future prison.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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