omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize