Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
