She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
