conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
