True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
