So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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