I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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