the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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