i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
