ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
