So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
