Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
