and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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