I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
