someone owes me an orgasm
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
