i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she told me i tasted like america
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
